Off topic starter: I have been wanting to pick up on my single item makeup reviews (you know.. cause I’ve done so many /s), but my phone camera is kaput and HA, like I can afford a legit camera. Maybe in the near future they will happen again.
This post is mainly to discuss people who are so selfless (or stupid depending on your point of view), they sacrifice their own happiness for those around them.
I proudly (and begrudgingly) say that I am one of those people. I was raised to think of others before myself, which is a lovely quality, truly, but as I’ve grown older.. it’s taken quite a toll on my well being.
Some might call these people door mats. Some might call them spineless. Some might commend their perseverance to be kind. Some might even say “I wish I was more like you”.
You want to know what I think? I think it’s a crock of shit. I’m 26 years old and still keep myself beholden to others’ needs and wants before mine in as something as simple as an MMO or skipping lunch for 3 more hours to help my mom with something she just has to do RIGHT NOW (even when she knows I haven’t eaten).
I do this in all of my relationships as well. I have very few now because of this issue. I was used and taken for granted by friends to the point where I really, really hate making friends and meeting new people. Everyone always wants something from me, whether it’s validation, affection, an ear, money, etc. With all that these people took from me, they didn’t give back in return.
Imagine your emotional well being existing as a bucket full of water. One friend comes along and needs you to listen to her vent about her shit life and shit boyfriend and shit car and shit everything. She scoops out 2 cups of water and never comes back to return any. Now 3 more friends come along and one of them just had a horrible break up, one of them had a huge fight with their parent, one just lost a loved one. Now, I’m not saying you should tell these people “Screw you, I’m not listening, I’ve got my own shit.” But when each of these people takes 2 cups of water from your bucket and never comes back to refill it by say.. listening to your issues, saying thank you for being there, taking you to lunch to show appareciation, WHATEVER they might do to fill your bucket, guess what happens to the bucket?
It becomes empty. Sometimes it becomes empty and dry and dirty and suddenly you feel drained and cranky and in an all around “to hell with you all” state of mind.
Every bit of emotional support we take from those around us drains those people slightly to some degree. I post this as a caution to those who might not even realize they’re doing it.
I also caution those who are like me. Don’t let you bucket go dry. Every once in awhile put it outside when it’s raining if you have to by taking a day for yourself and doing what YOU want to do, talking to who YOU want to talk to, etc. Keep that balance of give and take and don’t allow yourself to become jaded like I have.
This concept is even more important in a romantic relationship. One person giving their all does not a happy couple make.
I could spend a day or two discussing details about relationship values and needs that should be met, but it’s honestly quite tiring to think about things you don’t get even from your own relationship… haha..
I hope you all are able to find that balance in order to fill your bucket and keep sharing your water. Relationships are important after all, but find people who help give you water in return. Don’t let water suckers stay in your life.