Never settle for what’s convenient.. Be kind, even when it’s hard

Every year, it seems like I hear about how kids are more socially inept, anxious, depressed and suicidal.

I’m not sure if it’s a scenario of what came first, the chicken or the egg, or if we are just so connected virtually nowadays that we share so much and actually get to see people’s depression and anxiety and overall “craziness” firsthand. Before, no one really knew shit about anyone unless it was gossip. No one knew that Jim down the street was an alcoholic or engaged Mary was banging her neighbor. Now we know everything about everyone it seems. (Be warned, there might be some exaggeration up in here).

Having battled and continuing to battle depression and anxiety myself, I have so much sympathy for those younger than myself. The world is a horrible, mean and hateful place. By world, I definitely mean the internet because we all know kids don’t go outside.

Could kids that spend the majority of their time in doors and online really be more prone to depression? I mean, I get why they might be more anxious. When you don’t spend time with real people, you kind of forget how and that would make anyone have a panic attack. But depression… that’s another story. Going online, chatting with friends, connecting with others, playing games, etc… Isn’t that supposed to be fun and bring happiness?

Or is it everyone that is affected and not just the introverts? Is today’s society just so amassed with hate and judgment that we are left with feeling like garbage at the end of the day.

Or maybe it’s how we live our lives? Most people work to live. Well, you live to die. Essentially you’re just working to die. That thought alone makes me want to crawl under a rock and beat myself to death with it (I won’t, it’s okay).

I suppose I’ll also throw out that I’m a religious person in the sense that I believe in God and the afterlife and the pre-existence. I believe we have purpose. With that being said, I still suffer from crippling depression. I have put the barrel of a gun to my head just to know what it felt like; just to familiarize myself with the feeling. I have placed a blade at my wrist and thought about the amount of pressure it would take to cut deep enough to reach my goal. I don’t truly believe I’d ever be able to do those things, but not because of myself. I firmly believe it would be very selfish to put my family through something like that. I also firmly believe that it’s a cop out; it’s giving up; it’s what is easy; it’s what is convenient.

I would also argue that my anxiety is worse than my depression. I’ve had two panic attacks in my life that ended with me being so depressed I slept for days and didn’t eat for those days as well. I’m not going to go into detail. That would be counter-intuitive and frankly, I’m lazy. My mother suffers from anxiety. My sister suffers from anxiety. The common thread between us is traumatic events. Again, no details, because that’s their stories to tell or not tell, but the point is there: trauma.

More and more children are dealing with abuse, neglect, abandonment, abuse, addiction, ABUSE. The pressures of being a child in this day are enormous. Compare yourself to all the beautiful people on Instagram, okay? Oh you hate yourself now? Alright. Go meet some new people on some message boards, or Reddit, or YouTube, okay? Oh, they told you to eat a dick and die? Alright.

As they get older… Get an education, they said.. then you’ll get a job, they said… Unemployment for fresh college graduates is at an all time high.

Anyway, basically, life is way harder now than when I was even 12 years old. And I’m 26 now.

I read an article the other day about depression. It’s quite interesting. I’m not going to throw it out as holy grail information because who the hell knows with statistics these days. Here’s the link if you’re interested. One thing that stuck out to me was “[…] it has been estimated that up to 50% of people suffering from depression are not currently receiving treatment.”

Mmm.. that’s wonderful, right? Also, the majority of people still feel that depression isn’t real and is a sign of weakness. Hell, the other day, my brothers and father got on the topic of suicide and one of my brothers flat out said “If someone came up to me and said they were going to kill themselves, I’d tell them ‘Do it’.” I was floored. My own family has no compassion for those suffering despite them admitting to having those feelings as well? Just because they got over it, doesn’t mean others are as strong and just because they are not as strong, doesn’t mean we should basically push them to their deaths.

I think my take away from all these thoughts and readings is that kindness is dying in this world. If you, yes you, just took the time to send a lovely message to a friend or family member or even a stranger online once a day, you’d probably be a lot happier. But honestly, don’t stop at once a day. Take ANY opportunity you can to make someone feel better, to feel important and loved. We all want and need that in our lives. Be the example you want in this world, right?

And If you took a moment and thought about doing something for someone else and then ACTUALLY did it, you’d definitely find some happiness there. You’d also be spreading that kindness which we can only hope would multiply as time went on. Kindness can be as small as giving a genuine smile and a “How are you today?”. It can be making a meal for someone who is sick or grieving or just making someone a meal because that’s what you wanna do, ya know? Or make them cookies! Everyone loves cookies! Just like eggwolls.. everyone loves eggwolls ;3

I don’t want to leave this world thinking that what I said to someone made them feel badly. I want to leave a positive mark and hopefully when people possibly think of me, they smile and say “Yeah.. she was nice.”

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2 thoughts on “Never settle for what’s convenient.. Be kind, even when it’s hard

  1. I agree with your brother, actually.

    I talked to many suicidal people. There are whole net-groups dedicated to it. The main thing I learned from there is that these people are sick of life. They look at a life they were forced into, can’t see the point and now only need to find the right method.

    I’m sure there are many things you don’t want to do. If someone forced you to do it, you’d be up in arms. Why can’t a person allowed to die? Why do we decide for them that they must live?

    A world that decides for me whether I should live or die – a world that tells me what I think instead of listening – isn’t worth living in.

    • Hi! Thanks for your comment! I wasn’t addressing that at all to be honest. People who tell others they are going to kill themselves are usually seeking help in the only way they know how. As far as me being forced to do things that I don’t want to do, I’m currently experiencing that and have been for the past 8 years. I may not like it or want to do those things, but I do them because that’s how I survive, and I’m okay with that. Those who have lost their will to live completely can find it again if they choose to seek the help they need (and yes, there are cases where they can’t find that help).

      I guess I should have added that my brother also believes that depression is a choice, which clinical depression is most definitely not. So his thinking as far as suicide was that those who are depressed enough to kill themselves are choosing to be weak.

      I definitely get what you’re saying though, I just have a different opinion about it all. I believe life is worth living, but we ultimately all have our free agency, our right to choose, and I just want to be the type of person that truly tries to help someone who is suicidal if they are seeking that help rather than just telling them to “do it”.

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