Off topic starter: Where is all my time?! Between work, managing the house to help with my mom and grandmother, exercise and actually cooking all my meals, I’ve got no me time left! Is this adulthood? My SO is currently dealing with this transition as well, except a lot less graciously. 😉 Oh well. C’est la vie.
So social has never been a thing for me. I have always hated the idea of sharing things that no one really cared about and I never felt I had anything worth sharing to begin with. What a great attitude, right?
Well this past week, I looked into my Facebook account. My mom had taken it over some time ago to help her with Mafia Wars and SuperPoke Pets or some crap like that so I had TONS of friends I didn’t even know.
I cleaned all that up, updated all the correct information, changed the password, added photos; basically got it all set up to reflect the actual me.
Then I went and found my old high school friends. Many are still active on Facebook and I became enthralled reading about their current jobs and who is married now (we’re all around 25/26 years old now). I found friends that has completely changed career paths. I found many friends who were still with their high school sweethearts (so awesome!) and also some that were not that much further along in life than I am.
I mean, I don’t have a Bachelor’s in anything, but I’ve got experience coming out of my ears. I have 2 steady jobs, a loving boyfriend that’s in it for the long run and pets. Pets are very important on Facebook ;P.
After seeing the directions my friends have gone, I didn’t feel like such an utter failure. To be fair, none of my friends deal with debilitating and chronic pain like I do and they all pretty much had parents that paid for their college. So while I sit here with no medical insurance dealing with shoulder/neck/back pain and debt out of my asshole, I still feel okay.
And I find that confusing.
If this was 2 years ago, I’d find this all depressing, but I just feel uplifted and inspired. I used to be able to do so much (like run.. like at all and lift weights, which are two very fun things for me). I can’t do anything now really. I walk, but it’s short distances. I lift, but it kills my shoulder. And for once in my life, I’m okay with being broken.
I know someday I’ll get the help I need. Somehow. I think I was just so proud to see all that my friends had accomplished and how happy they seemed to be that I just sort of forgot my own struggles. Instead of going “that bitch, must be nice going to London” or whatever, I just have to smile and think “that is so cool, I’m really happy for them!”.
It’s funny. I was always thought of as the mother of my group of friends. I always cared too much and gave too much. I guess I am still that way. I guess I’ll always be that way.
Anyway, it has been fun just to see and stalk these old classmates and share in their happy moments. I shouldn’t have felt ashamed of my past. It’s not a good reason to stay away from people. I should own my shortcomings and what life has given me. Everyone has something they’re dealing with and I need to remember that or I will continue to miss out on wonderful opportunities.